6 Rules for Superhero Movies

More villains = lame villains

With the arrival of Spiderman 3, it’s clear that even talented directors like Sam Raimi are still making the same mistakes. So if you’re making/writing a superhero flick, keep these guidelines in mind.

1. If you have more than one main villain, your story sucks.

If your main villain isn’t scary enough, make him scarier! Don’t add other half-assed villains, hoping that will do the trick. Examples: think of the later Batman movie teamups: Two-Face and the Riddler, Poison Ivy and Dr. Freeze - none of them anywhere near as cool as the Joker. Spiderman does the same thing: Doc Ock was frickin’ awesome, but the trio of Goblin Jr./Sandman/Venom? Please - Mary Jane was nastier than all three of them. Even X-Men, which had a lot of bad guys, only had one main villain: Magneto.

2. The coolest scene in any origin flick is the superhero discovering his/her new powers.

Think of Clark Kent jumping higher and higher, Peter Parker trying to figure out his web shooters, and hell, even Jack Nicholson in Wolf (otherwise a crappy movie) where his newly-acquired werewolfness gives his human self new strength and confidence. I hear this was a problem in Catwoman (which looked so bad I skipped it) - she went from shrinking violet to slinky leatherbabe without any transition.

3. The hero enjoys his/her powers.

This seems obvious, but look at Superman Returns, where the Man of Steel spends most of the time moping. Dude! You can FLY!

4. The hero has a tragic/outcast background.

Think about it: if you were suddenly given superhero powers, would you

a) not tell anyone

b) put on a costume and

c) put yourself in real danger on a regular basis for no reward?

Of course you wouldn’t. You’d let everyone know. You’d be on Oprah. You’d be on a Wheaties box. You’d be rich! You’d be invited to all the best parties and you would go to them. There has to be something pretty messed up in your background to want to be a vigilante. This is why Batman is more interesting than Superman. The best superheroes have to be a little crazy.

5. Don’t try to explain the unexplainable.

For example, I don’t need a long thing about how David Banner’s dad used jellyfish DNA and nanobots and experimented on his son, and that’s why the Hulk is green. All I need to know is: the dude got hit with gamma radiation, and turned into the Hulk. Ta da. I know that would never happen in real life, but I don’t care - I’m not watching a movie for real life. I don’t care how Superman can fly (which muscle does he use, exactly, to go faster? What does he clench?). Most superheroes are essentially magical creatures, and that’s fine. Accept it and move on to the story.

6. Trust the source material, and you get Sin City and 300.

Ignore the source material and get League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.