Game of Texas Hold 'Em, Anyone?Casino Royale
Suggested Netflix Queue Position: 83
Before embarking on this review, I have to be honest with you, the reader: it was hard for me to be unbiased going into this film. Why? Because the Bond franchise, once full of so much promise, had descended into a laughable mess of impossible stunts and cheesy one-liners. Bond fans, you know what I’m talking about – don’t even deny it. Skiing a huge mountain on one ski, surfing a tidal wave using the side of a garden shed (or billboard, or whatever it was), etc. – I could go on, but I won’t.
Still, I was able to look at this movie with fresh perspective. The Bond series badly needed an infusion of credibility and grit. Casino Royale does deserve credit for delivering on those two needs, for the most part. It’s Daniel Craig that delivers. He is a good choice for this role: burly, handsome in a grittier way, and a bit psychopathic.
That’s where the credit ends, however, as the movie falls victim to action film clichés of today, which is to say that it has more plot holes than a porno. Though it’s the best of the Bond movies, that’s not saying much.
Consider:
* You mean to tell me that Vesper (the treasury agent) isn’t on the up and up? No, that can’t be possible. Who could possibly have predicted that? I knew immediately upon her entrance into the film, and if people didn’t figure it out after the 15 minutes of aimless caressing on exotic beaches, then they’re truly myopic Bond fans.
* Nice job of checking her credentials, Bond. Dude can break into M’s apartment and log into the system using her password, but a hottie plops down in the seat opposite him on a train, and he never questions her legitimacy as a $10 million courier?
* About 20 minutes through the film, Bond should have been hawking Eiffel Tower snow globes on the Champs-Elysees. At least that’s the fate that usually befalls newly promoted special agents who (a) break into the Director’s pad, (b) hack her computer, (c) defy her orders and (d) hang up on her. I have to say, M is a pretty cool chick.
* You have to love an agency like MI6, which goes through the trouble of outfitting an Aston Martin with a defibrillator, yet carelessly sets up an operation between a special agent and a woman from the Treasury. I know that’s what I’d do if I was Director of the CIA. I’d choose an unproven, reckless, defiant agent, and team him up with a lady from the IRS. That’s not putting anyone’s life at stake.
* Women from the Treasury don’t look like that. That role should have gone to Camryn Manheim, who seems more the Treasury type.
* Did we really need Mathis narrating the poker action? Le Chiffre puts $10 million on the table, and Mathis pipes up with, “Bond will have to bet $10 million to call his bluff.” Oh, really? I think you missed your calling as a color commentator on ESPN 6, jackass. I know damn well what’s going on. It’s downright insulting that they have to drop ridiculously obvious plot explanations like that for the idiots in the audience. But not as insulting as…
* …the game itself. Here we are in Montenegro playing in an elegant casino, full of international intrigue, with terrorists, undercover agents, and glamorous women. The world’s safety is at stake. Now, let’s get down to business and play a game of…Texas Hold ‘Em? Are you shi*ting me?? Here is your Pabst Blue Ribbon, Mr. Bond. Shaken, of course.
I’m mildly recommending this film in the context that it’s probably the best Bond film ever. In the total movie landscape, however, it’s fairly average.
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