AVP: A VERY late Netflix review

AVP: Whoever wins, You won't care.

I have to tell you guys, I finally saw AVP yesterday.

The first half of the movie (before any aliens
showed up) I was thinking
' Damn, this movie is actually pretty cool.
Shifting pyramid, arctic expedition, predators spying on the expedition.'



I'm going to breeze right over the fact that there
was a whaling station built EXACTLY on top of the pyramid. That is as bad
as Cage finding the ship nameplate in two minutes of digging.

Still, I liked where the movie was going.
Especially the early stuff in the pyramid.

Then, the aliens showed up and everything went to
hell. Talk about ruining a franchise- first, this movie had no
suspense at all.
Second, the director reduced the aliens into little more
than freakin enraged monkeys, they were completely stripped of any
terror- I could have been watching tom and jerry or the WWF- that's what the
combat was like. And don't even get me started on the queen communicating
with the other aliens. I'm sorry, but they just revealed too much.
Part of what was so cool about these franchises is the mystery behind
the characters. The aliens were portrayed better as dangerous,
crafty animals fighting for their survival.

How can you say the predators are dominant when they all got
whacked by one alien? Just because they use guns
and bombs when they start losing the battle? lame, lame, lame.

The final insult was the predator teaming up with the chick. WHAT?
Humans have been nothing more than slaves and hosts
for alien eggs for centuries, and suddenly this predator decides to
become best buddies with the chick after whacking her entire expedition?
That sucked. And did you notice that despite being 2 feet taller and
4 time stronger than the toughest man, that predator could barely run as
fast as the woman at the end? Stupid. Why would he hang with her at
all? He's a hunter, she's bait..

And how laughable that they send a 12 man expedition
down a 2000 feet shaft, but the only way back out is a 2-person
rocket sled that literally launches them out the tube through the air
at the surface.

And in the end the predator couldn't even kill the
queen- the chick has to get it done. SO weak. Then this giant ship from
Close Encounters shows up, and the predator elder gives her a spear.
Whatever.

I'm beginning to question my own deal. AVP 2 could
be really bad. At least natty 2 has a legit director (ok, not a great
one, but at least one with some experience), THREE oscar winning
actors, and 2 more actors nominated for Oscars. On the other hand, the
screenwriter is pretty bad.

Like the tagline of AVP says...
Whoever wins, WE lose.

At least I do.