Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End - Review

Aaargh! Are You Confused Yet??

Pirates of the Caribbean – At World’s End
Monkey Rating: 1 Opposable Thumb Up (out of 5)

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You want pirates? No, do you REALLY want pirates? If you answered yes to the second question, then you’re probably going to love At World’s End, the third and latest (I’m definitely not going to say “last”) installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. And if it is indeed pirates that you want, be careful what you ask for, because Disney has them, and they’ll shove them down your throat for 3+ hours.

At World’s End is the first movie in history without any editing. At least that’s the conclusion one must reach with all of the fat in this steak. The cutting room floor must be spotless at Disney because it doesn’t seem like they left anything out of this film.

The movie could have had an hour of footage removed without harming the story, which is still difficult to describe even after 3 hours plot “movement”. Elizabeth (Keira Knightley, who has great dental work and mascara for a pirate), along with Captain Barbosa (Geoffrey Rush) and Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) are out to find Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) so they can get him to the pirate council, which has convened to defend themselves against the East India Trading Company, which is trying to execute all pirates, and to that end enlists the Flying Dutchman (a ship full of dead pirates) to help. In order to get Sparrow, they need to get the maps to World’s End, which are possessed by Sao Feng, another pirate. Will strikes a bargain with Feng for the Black Pearl (Sparrow’s ship) in exchange for Sparrow, who Feng wants to barter to Beckett. Meanwhile, Will is trying to kill the heart of the captain of the Flying Dutchman so he can revive his dead father (Stellan Skaarsgard), whose body and soul is captured on the Dutchman. Captain Barbosa wants the Black Pearl for himself. There are also 8 other pirate crews and ships, Keith Richards, and a psycho sea goddess named Calypso.

Did you get all that? Neither did I. The plot is ridiculously convoluted, with 80% of it being completely unnecessary. I still don’t know exactly what happened, but my $10 is in the cash register, so I’m left to try to make sense of it. I think I’ll cut my losses and solve a Rubik’s Cube instead.

The action sequences are well shot and choreographed, if too long. It’s generally clear what’s happening during these shots, if for no other reason than you have more then enough time to figure it out.

The acting is decent, but these performers are bogged down by the confusing script. Depp once again leads the way, but Rush is also strong as Captain Barbosa.

Once the climax occurs, there is another 20 minutes of unnecessary footage, along with a rather pointless “bonus” scene after the credits have rolled – which, by the way, takes a good 20 minutes. Is there anyone who didn’t work on this film? I think I even saw my own name on there.

It’s not all bad. There are a couple of great parts, namely the “ship flipping” sequence and an inspired psychedelic scene at World’s End featuring Depp and some helpful crabs.

But those scenes alone simply aren’t worth your time or money. The biggest pirate of all, Disney, has successfully plundered the pockets of the American Public here. I strongly suggest you sail wide of this mess.