Monkey Review: The Transformers

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On the surface, it’s easy to see Michael Bay’s name attached to the Transformers and immediately dismiss it. Still, I think that most viewers should enjoy this one.



The Transformers

Monkey Rating: 4 Opposable Thumbs Up (out of 5)

On the surface, it’s easy to see Michael Bay’s name attached to the Transformers and immediately dismiss it. Why? Just have a look at his resume: Pearl Harbor, Bad Boys, Armageddon…need I continue? So there’s no excuse for going in with high expectations. That would be like expecting Mel Gibson to enjoy himself at a bar mitzvah.

To be fair, Jerry Bruckheimer was involved in most of those projects, so while the awful dialogue and silly plots lay mostly at the feet of Bay, at least the unnecessary explosions could be partially blamed on the pyromaniac Bruckheimer.

There is another factor to which I must confess here: I happen to be a fan of the Transformers. I enjoyed the cartoon as a kid. So let’s just call these two major factors a wash and get on with the review, OK?

The first thing you notice as you watch this film is how (surprisingly) funny it is. The writers, Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman, do a fine job of squeezing laughter out of some believably awkward situations. So if you’re coming for an action movie with terrible dialogue you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

We know, however, why anyone would be coming to watch this film: robots – and there are plenty of them. The machines pop off the screen through seamless special effects, and for the most part seem to retain their scale (their size in relation to other objects). The special effects team truly deserves accolades for their incredible attention to detail, which is quite obvious as you look the robots up and down.

Shia Labeouf plays Sam Witwicky, whose grandfather discovered a “large snowman” in the mid-19th century. Sam, in possession of his grandpa’s artifacts that contain information critical to the location of a cube of energy coveted by the robots, is sought by both the Decepticons (the evil robots) and the Autobots (good robots).

The Autobots reach him first, when Sam’s new car begins to act a little strangely. There are some nice moments between Sam and his new ride, especially as they related to his interaction with Megan Fox (the red hot Mikaela Banes).

Meanwhile, U.S. military computers are being hacked by the Decepticons, looking for secrets which will lead to the energy cube.

I suppose it should come as no surprise that women are treated purely as sex objects in the Transformers. Sure, Megan has a major role as Sam’s love interest, but how can a viewer take her contributions seriously when she spends the entire movie with her breasts popping out of her shirt? Ditto Maggie Madsen (Rachael Taylor), who, though she is a gifted computer hacker working on behalf of the government, is prancing around the Pentagon in high heels and short skirts. By the way, both of these young women are supposedly of high school age.

Sure, a woman can be gifted and sexy, but Hollywood always finds a way to make the sex overshadow the gifts, don’t they?

Oh, and I want to make you aware of the barrage of in-movie advertising to which you’ll be subjected in the Transformers. Since the robots transform into earthly vehicles, it should come as no shock that car makers – in particular, GM – pounced on the opportunity to feature their cars. One scene, in which we’re introduced to all of the Autobots, is basically a GM showroom. I thought a guy in a plaid suit was going to pop out and sell me some “rust-proofing.” Also beware Mountain Dew and Nokia placements.

Let me nitpick a little more: why is it that movies never take the issue of security clearance seriously? We learn of a super secret government agency known as Sector 7 – an agency not even known to the Secretary of Defense, only to the President himself – and yet by the end of the movie a bunch of low level, high school graduate hackers are roaming the secret agency’s office halls freely. Whatever.

Still, I think that most viewers should enjoy this one. Excuse me, most MALE viewers. Women, to their credit, are generally not interested in fighting robots and objectified girls as movie content. If you’re dating a girl who is into those things, then…congrats! Barring that, fans of the franchise (read: geeks) will enjoy seeing the robots as never seen before. Fans of the movies in general should have a good time. This is a summer blockbuster, an action movie with hot women. In that context, this receives a 4 opposable thumbs out of 5 rating.
Enjoy, fellas.