Elizabethtown- a Netflix Review

Elizabethtown features two actors I don't like, got a 45 on Metacritic, and suffered review quotes such as
"It's obvious now that the cinematic junk routinely released every Friday can be safely categorized as a mere failure. But this alleged comedy is a whole other species entirely. This is a bona fide, absolute, unmitigated fiasco. "

So why did I like it so much?

Netflix queue: 31 (out of 200)



I really don't get it. Orlando Bloom has made his career playing medieval fantasy roles, and has pretty much failed at anything else. Kirsten Dunst, well, I couldn't stand her back in Interview with the Vampire, and I certainly haven't grown to appreciate her more now. Frankly, I don't understand at all how she lands these romantic lead roles. I can't get past believing that someone would actually date that chick.

Reviewers generally hated this flick by Cameron Crowe (Fast Times, Almost Famous, Say Anything, and the one with the short scientologist that everyone hates). So I'm struggling to figure out why I enjoyed it.

Am I getting soft? Considering that my next post is going to be a double-barreled assault on both the brilliant mistake of Sunshine and the unmitigated disaster of Die Another Day, I don't think my standards have dropped.

What else could it be?
Honestly, I think the divergence here is that Elizabethtown is a wandering meditation- there are enough subplots and tangents for at least 3 movies here. Also, the movie has multiple false endings. Just when you think the story is wrapping up, it turns down another road and starts a new adventure. I can see how many people who aren't in the right mood could be frustrated.

So what is the right mood? Road Trip mentality. Seriously. To enjoy this movie one needs to be in the frame of mind like when you are on a long drive, and know there really isn't much you can do but enjoy the drive and whatever turns up around the corner. The radio picks up whatever station it can, and you are cool with that. This analogy is less of a stretch than you would think, because the movie actually features a very long road trip, complete with scenic stops and road music. But even the rest of the movie works like a road trip- the story starts in one place and continuously meanders into totally new territory. If you aren't the type that needs resolution to every plot point, you might enjoy this.

And if there is one thing Cameron Crowe is good at, it's finding great music for his movies. This one is no different- even if you hate this movie, you can't help but love the soundtrack.

Elizabethtown is a good date movie. It touches on warm subjects such as love, family, and keeping the world in perspective, but that's all largely superficial. In the end, it's like taking a short tour through several stories with some great tunes coming through the radio. Just kick back, get comfortable, and enjoy the trip.

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Netflix Review: Breach (2007)

"What are you doing in this movie with me?"

Is this the way you would use Chris Cooper? They might as well have cast him in Broken Arrow 2.

Breach

Suggested Netflix Queue Position: 76, just ahead of Saw II

Imagine you’re a producer and that you have been given the green light to make a movie. It’s a movie about disgraced CIA spy Robert Hanssen. You’re able to get Academy Award caliber actors Chris Cooper and Laura Linney to star.

Sounds like a pretty good deal, huh? A naturally riveting story, anchored by two great actors. How could you possibly screw this up? Well, casting Ryan Phillippe is a good start. I don’t have anything against the guy, it’s just that he’s not a very good actor. I don’t know how he’s managed to be in some pretty strong films: Flags of Our Fathers, Gosford Park and Crash. He must have one hell of an agent.

But Breach, while a disappointment, certainly doesn’t suffer from poor acting on the whole. Cooper, as Hanssen, is compelling as the conflicted spy, and Linney, who continues to be underrated, turns in a strong performance as callous agent Kate Burroughs. But here’s where Phillippe, as fledgling agent Eric O’Neill, sticks out - and not in a good way. It’s clear that alongside these two heavyweights, Phillippe is in over his head. He thinks he’s in a spy thriller; Cooper and Linney think they’re in a character study.

To give you an idea of the uneven playing field evident here, this would be like…well, like casting Ryan Phillippe opposite two Oscar-worthy actors.

But you can’t lay the blame for this underachievement entirely at Phillippe’s feet. In fact, you can’t even blame him for his character choices in playing O’Neill. Why? Because Director Billy Ray, along with writers Adam Mazer and William Rotko, turn this into a clichéd spy thriller. So it’s not as if Phillippe’s acting is even out of context here.

O’Neill, a new agent, is sent to work alongside Hanssen by Burroughs. Very quickly, the kid discovers that he’s not just working alongside Hanssen – he’s there to track him and gather information because Hanssen is thought to be selling secrets to national enemies.

Why, when building a case against a dangerous traitor, would they send a clueless new agent to gather the evidence? Good question. They try to explain it away in the movie, but it doesn’t quite hold water.

What follows isn’t the character chess match we should be seeing, but a series of trite spy scenes, complete with O’Neill sneaking around Hanssen’s office looking through his bags and computer data, etc., against the backdrop of a canned, faux-suspenseful spy score, while Hanssen is just down the hall but on his way back. Do you think O’Neill will get out of his office in time?? Hanssen, by the way, is supposed to never miss a detail about anything.

Is this the way you would use Chris Cooper? They might as well have cast him in Broken Arrow 2. The thing is, Ray actually begins to scratch the surface for what this whole complicated internal web means to the individual characters. Linney’s Burroughs is quite hardened from the strain of internal surveillance. O’Neill is just getting his first taste of such strain – and isn’t sure if he’s cut out for it. Hanssen is on an entirely different level of strain. This, along with the base story, presents more than enough material to build an intelligent, original film. It just doesn’t happen.

Let me be clear: Breach isn’t a bad movie. It’s just an underachievement when you consider the talent assembled and the material featured. This is one of the biggest spy scandals in U.S. history, along with a very talented pair of actors.

How could you screw this up again?

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Monkey Review: Knocked Up

Phew! Thank God She's Not Ugly!

If you're expecting an uproarious laugh fest, this really isn't your movie. But if you want to see a warm, genuine and pretty funny look at how two young people would react to a very difficult situation, then Knocked Up fits the bill.


Knocked Up

Monkey Rating: 3 Opposable Thumbs Up (out of 5)

I always think it's great when a comedy relates to real issues and anxieties that moviegoers actually deal with in their lives. Real problems form a much stronger comedic foundation than fabricated issues; actions and reactions mean more because of the context.

That's what I like about Knocked Up, the most recent effort from Director Judd Apatow. If that name sounds familiar, it's because he was also behind the camera for 40 Year Old Virgin, another film that, although the notion of such an old virgin is a stretch, his fears rang quite true. Contrast that with movies like "Click" or "Christmas with the Kranks," which, because they're rooted in completely unbelievable premises, seem to ring hollow (of course, the overacting and terrible dialogue don't help).

Knocked Up tells the story of Ben Stone (Seth Rogen) and Alison Scott (Katherine Heigl), a couple of happy go lucky people who get drunk and have a one night stand which results in, you guessed it, Alison getting pregnant.

What ensues is not what you'd think. It would have been easy to turn this into a farce where Ben tries to get Alison to abort, or where Alison tries to manipulate Ben. But Apatow has drawn up real characters here who decide to take on the responsibility of having the baby.

The problem? Ben and Allison don't even know each other. So now their struggle is two-fold: deal with the impending birth of their child and try to establish a relationship at the same time. Though it's never happened to me personally, this strikes me as something to which a lot of people can relate.

The way Ben and Allison react to their situation seems entirely plausible. They're scared, confused and totally on their own, so you'd expect their emotions to get the best of them, which they do in a naturally funny way.

The supporting cast is also solid, anchored by the underrated Paul Rudd and a great Leslie Mann as Alison's sister and brother-in-law, respectively.

Still, the movie is not without its flaws, beginning with the fact that, while it's very believable and generally funny, there aren't ENOUGH laughs to really call this a great comedy. The gaps between laughter-inducing scenes are simply too long. I think it would have been possible to insert some more funny without compromising the organic integrity of the plot.

I've been known to nitpick some movies, but I can't let this one go: it helps that Alison is Katherine Heigl. Ben's decision to keep the baby is certainly made easier by the fact that Alison is a 5'10", blonde, busty bombshell. Ladies, you can deride men all you want for placing too much emphasis on a woman's appearance, but hey, it's important to us; we're hardwired that way. As long as the woman is not a complete psycho, it's hard to turn away someone who looks like Alison.

It's no different than a woman who wants a financially successful man. Do you think Julia Roberts would have run off with Richard Gere in Pretty Woman if he was a garbage man? No, we have to be realistic on this one. Think of it another way: if Ben had impregnated Ugly Betty, would he be jumping into parenthood with both feet? Unlikely.

So if you're expecting an uproarious laugh fest, this really isn't your movie. But if you want to see a warm, genuine and pretty funny look at how two young people would react to a very difficult situation, it's hard to think of a recent movie that fits the description more than Knocked Up.

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Monkey Review: The Transformers

There's More Where This Came From...

On the surface, it’s easy to see Michael Bay’s name attached to the Transformers and immediately dismiss it. Still, I think that most viewers should enjoy this one.



The Transformers

Monkey Rating: 4 Opposable Thumbs Up (out of 5)

On the surface, it’s easy to see Michael Bay’s name attached to the Transformers and immediately dismiss it. Why? Just have a look at his resume: Pearl Harbor, Bad Boys, Armageddon…need I continue? So there’s no excuse for going in with high expectations. That would be like expecting Mel Gibson to enjoy himself at a bar mitzvah.

To be fair, Jerry Bruckheimer was involved in most of those projects, so while the awful dialogue and silly plots lay mostly at the feet of Bay, at least the unnecessary explosions could be partially blamed on the pyromaniac Bruckheimer.

There is another factor to which I must confess here: I happen to be a fan of the Transformers. I enjoyed the cartoon as a kid. So let’s just call these two major factors a wash and get on with the review, OK?

The first thing you notice as you watch this film is how (surprisingly) funny it is. The writers, Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman, do a fine job of squeezing laughter out of some believably awkward situations. So if you’re coming for an action movie with terrible dialogue you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

We know, however, why anyone would be coming to watch this film: robots – and there are plenty of them. The machines pop off the screen through seamless special effects, and for the most part seem to retain their scale (their size in relation to other objects). The special effects team truly deserves accolades for their incredible attention to detail, which is quite obvious as you look the robots up and down.

Shia Labeouf plays Sam Witwicky, whose grandfather discovered a “large snowman” in the mid-19th century. Sam, in possession of his grandpa’s artifacts that contain information critical to the location of a cube of energy coveted by the robots, is sought by both the Decepticons (the evil robots) and the Autobots (good robots).

The Autobots reach him first, when Sam’s new car begins to act a little strangely. There are some nice moments between Sam and his new ride, especially as they related to his interaction with Megan Fox (the red hot Mikaela Banes).

Meanwhile, U.S. military computers are being hacked by the Decepticons, looking for secrets which will lead to the energy cube.

I suppose it should come as no surprise that women are treated purely as sex objects in the Transformers. Sure, Megan has a major role as Sam’s love interest, but how can a viewer take her contributions seriously when she spends the entire movie with her breasts popping out of her shirt? Ditto Maggie Madsen (Rachael Taylor), who, though she is a gifted computer hacker working on behalf of the government, is prancing around the Pentagon in high heels and short skirts. By the way, both of these young women are supposedly of high school age.

Sure, a woman can be gifted and sexy, but Hollywood always finds a way to make the sex overshadow the gifts, don’t they?

Oh, and I want to make you aware of the barrage of in-movie advertising to which you’ll be subjected in the Transformers. Since the robots transform into earthly vehicles, it should come as no shock that car makers – in particular, GM – pounced on the opportunity to feature their cars. One scene, in which we’re introduced to all of the Autobots, is basically a GM showroom. I thought a guy in a plaid suit was going to pop out and sell me some “rust-proofing.” Also beware Mountain Dew and Nokia placements.

Let me nitpick a little more: why is it that movies never take the issue of security clearance seriously? We learn of a super secret government agency known as Sector 7 – an agency not even known to the Secretary of Defense, only to the President himself – and yet by the end of the movie a bunch of low level, high school graduate hackers are roaming the secret agency’s office halls freely. Whatever.

Still, I think that most viewers should enjoy this one. Excuse me, most MALE viewers. Women, to their credit, are generally not interested in fighting robots and objectified girls as movie content. If you’re dating a girl who is into those things, then…congrats! Barring that, fans of the franchise (read: geeks) will enjoy seeing the robots as never seen before. Fans of the movies in general should have a good time. This is a summer blockbuster, an action movie with hot women. In that context, this receives a 4 opposable thumbs out of 5 rating.
Enjoy, fellas.

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the Naked Monkey Run: Streaking through the Internet so you don't have to

I got my iPhone! I got my iPhone!

Time for another quick run through the theater aisles...

Christian Bale says there will be a Batman 3...

It's been official for a while that Indy 4 was gonna suck, but this spy photo of Shia as a greaser is just another nail in the coffin... God damn you, Lucas!

more photos, rumors and slander after the jump...


Some more revealing Indy pics here. Wow, could I be less interested to see a geriatric Indy? Harrison looks like hell.

Is this Benecio Del Toro preparing for his role as the Wolf Man?

PETA is apparently pissed off at the treatment of Speed Racer's monkey Chim Chim.

Marisa Tomei is finally topless in a movie. Um, isn't this about a decade late?

Whatever happened to Richard Kelly's follow up to Donnie Darko, Southland Tales?

Looks like Kelly isn't done just yet... His next one is the box.

I'm not a huge Jack Black fan, but Be Kind, Rewind is gonna be hilarious.

Finally. The full Bourne Ultimatum trailer is finally out! Say it with me: Best. movie. of. the. summer.

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