Low expectations = fun movie
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Monkey Rating: 4 Opposable Thumbs Up (out of 5)
Watching "Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End" is like having a crush on someone - you're having so much fun that you don't mind the annoying bits at all. Yes, it's too long, has superfluous characters, plot twists I lost track of, and subplots I ignored. But I didn't care, being too busy booing the villains, cheering the good guys, and going "Cool!" at the special effects.
"Pirates" is bold, loud, frantic, surreal (things get weird when you see the giant nose), and has a surprisingly good vocabulary. Its seas are deep, menacing, and active. And the movie is nothing without the teetering, swishy, bemused Capt. Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp), of course. He's the only character I really cared about, followed closely by Capt. Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush), the only one in the movie who really gets into the "ARRR!" of being a pirate.
My chief complaint about the second "Pirates" movie was that they didn't spend enough time on the ocean doing piratey stuff. And Davy Jones looked scary, but was actually just a tentacled pansy we were supposed to feel sorry for. No good.
Not this time! Finally, Davy Jones is an evil bastard! A real villain! And there's even a larger villain, some wretch from the East India Co. who's managed to capture Jones' heart, and thus command him.
(Note: in case you missed it, corporate CEOs have replaced Nazis as Most Reliable Bad Guys in movies. Even more so than terrorists. For some reason, they're scarier. )
How to enjoy this movie:
- Go on the ride in Disneyland. Even in the third movie, there are plenty of references to it.
- Hit the bathroom before it starts
- Lower your expectations
- When Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightly have a heart-to-heart, feel free to go back to the bathroom, buy a $4 hot dog, or imagine your date naked. Remember the Aragorn/Arwen yawn-fest of LOTR? It's like that.
- Pay attention to the details: lots of little things are pretty funny, and the wordplay is better than I've seen in years on the big screen.
(Note: in case you missed it, women are the new action heroes. Guys are mostly charming rogues.)
Orlando Bloom does some stuff, I think. Something to do with his dad.
Other reviewers have complained about the exhausting non-stop action, convoluted plot, and the nearly-three-hours running time. And they're right - these things detract, and they keep this movie good instead of great. But look - I work hard, I'm tired, and I just wanted to see wacky pirates beat the shit out of each other for a while. I got exactly what I wanted, and I had a great time.
And the ending is not what you think it is. 'Nuff said.
This was a hard review to write, because I don't want to analyze this film too much: it's not a relationship - it's just a crush.
Steve totally disagees with me.
1 comment:
...so does Foley.
I see your points, but from my point of view:
1. The Pirate King should not be America's Next Top Model. I'm sorry, but I found Keira's character totally unbelievable.
2. Davey Jones was reduced to a the slave boy of a pansy in a white wig. For a guy that asks everyone "do you fear death?", he was a helluva whipping boy.
3. Orlando is the new Davey Jones?, so what, thousands of women go drown themselves for a chance to ride his boat? That was a dealbreaker for me.
The action was good, and there were some truly inventive scenes, but ultimately there was so much going on I just didn't care who lived or died.
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